I’m sure we all could settle for someone. But I refuse to do so. But that’s a different story. Although the thought is always present, something else is currently eating away at my thoughts. As I lay fixated on the ceiling in my best friends bed taking drags of my Marlboro Light, I stare in wonder. Why? Why is it so hard to be sure. Why is it so hard to differentiate what is right and wrong, healthy and toxic. That counts in all aspects of my life. I watched as light began to force its way between the cracks of the closed blinds. I could hear the birds chirping, despite the somewhat lingering winter. Time moves. It doesn’t wait. The season was beginning to change again. I’m changing. But my mind, my worry, my wonder remains the same. Where will I end up? Will I ever evolve into who I aspire to deeply to be? To expose myself, allowing myself to be vulnerable, chasing my passions. Do I have what it takes to move to New York City? Hours away from this life sucking, run down tiresome town I call home… I’ve always had this fantasy: Entering the city for the first time. Smelling the air, breathing it in, looking at the diversity that surrounds me and then… I am home.
I won’t settle for love that doesn’t keep me up at night. I won’t settle for love that doesn’t make me want to scream, jump, panic, and fall. I won’t settle for mediocrity. I want the love you see in movies and read about in books. And if I don’t get that, there won’t be any. It’s simple.